personal thoughts

I've just having a really serious conversation with my Dad about my... future. I've already think about it thousand times, but it only ends up with one certainty conclusion: I wanna go study abroad no matter what. I really know that it may be impossible if I look at my family situation right now. I know my Dad would kindly please me with every job I'd choose in the future, even though I'm pretty sure that he will be happy if I'll take a civil servants as my choice. okay, every parents want their children to be one of those happy yet lucky civil servants. so does mine. but for now, the truth is I don't really understand what kind of profession I would choose in my future. doing what I love and doing what would be good for me is a different thing. right now, when I'm still 'grey' for something like that, if I prefer my passion instead of logic, I probably will choose profession which more challenging. such as marketing managers of foreign companies,
worked as a reliable fashion journalist in a prestigious fashion magazine (which is my only reason why I choose FD as my major), or other potential jobs associated with the global world. I also looking forward for opportunities to get scholarships for studying abroad.


but my Dad said that my dreams are too full of fantasy.


*world crashed*
--

I'm so sad listen to my Dad's honest opinion. and I have to admit that its the truth. my dreams sound really cheese. the kind of dream that everyone wants in life. the dream that may be (im)possible if I look back into my family condition. the dream that may come true if I'm being selfish and want to live the life on my own.

but I have to go back to the beginning that I love my family. I have one brother, which his future depends on me. my parents never mentioned that they're depend their hopes on me or something distress like that. they just want me to 'go catch my dream' as far as possible but always remember to go back home. I realized that I had never experienced a wonderful teenage life like others. my days were so hard and always filled with anxiety. but I don't want my little brother to feel the same thing. on this condition, when my parents cannot 'help' I realized that I am the only hope to bring recognitions back to the family. I want them to stop doing hard jobs, think too much, worried about everything... 

so, I think it's now my 'turn'. I have to leave this very bad habitual. dreaming a lot won't help me to get a better life. I didn't let my dreams go, I just have to make it appropriate with my reality.

it's a good time for a change.

keep the spirit up, young lady! you still have a long path ahead. always have faith, and never precedes God. bless my path, God.. bismillah..

Monday January 13th

3.50 a.m

 -qisthie cinintya-

♥QC